I am finally recapping the incredible Wannabe Balanced Event I spoke at in April.
I know, I am so slow. Get used to it.
One of my best friends, Crystal Escobar had the most genius vision for a conference that empowers women, uplifts, inspires, provides new friendship, good food, and swag-all while being on the most gorgeous location possible. Guys, I thought my bestie was top-notch awesome before she pulled this off, but now I am even more impressed and proud of her!
When Crystal first asked me to be one of the speakers, I was like um ok you’re joking with me. Turns out she wasn’t. She asked me to speak on Overcoming Jealously. I added the ‘in social media’ part because I felt like this is a newer area that is overwhelmingly in our face all day everyday and it’s hard not to get swept up in it.
Since this is a topic I am sure so many people can relate to, I wanted to share my thoughts, and tips here on my blog.
Let me start by telling you all why I love Instagram.
My @dressmeblonde account is my ultimate creative outlet. It is nothing I planned for, yet some how everything I needed! I never pictured myself styling looks and uploading them for anyone in the world to see. It kind of all fell into my lap at a stressful time in our lives, and since then it has been my little escape, my very own space to create, inspire, and share what I love.
Instagram has also opened the door to SO many friendships! I used to think of myself of someone who doesn’t have too many friends, and just focuses on her children. Now, man has that changed! I have love for so many amazing, talented, smart people out there! I have been able to take those friendships from commenting here and there on the Instagram app, to actually going through real life’s up and downs with them. Plus, I know that no matter where I travel in the world, I will always have a friendly face to visit with 🙂
One other thing I love about Instagram, and I think doesn’t get mentioned too often, is that I get to easily-so easily pick and chose what I want my audience to see, and how I want to present myself and my life to the world. If you scroll though my feed you’ll be flooded with fashion, beauty tip, products I love, and the occasional #foodporn. I tend to choose to keep my social media light hearted and filled with jokes and some sass. You won’t see the things I choose to omit, like religion, politics, and my kids (even though they sometimes pop up on IG stories). Truth be told, those three things are huge parts of my life, and are things I take very seriously. I choose to keep it superficial and light.
Fantasy is not reality, and that plays heavily on my social media. I am sure it does for 99.9% of other accounts out there.
At first you may think that is stupid, that we should be more ‘human’, open, vulnerable, etc. But let’s stop and think for a hot sec.
One of the ultimate goals for us is to be able to leave our luggage behind, press forward, focus on the positives, and to be optimistic. If compiling a scrapbook it’s likely that it will include highlights like your trip to Hawaii, the birth of your baby, your wedding. Well, scrapbooks are outdated and in it’s place is social media.
Enter: The Hightlight Reel
People share their best moments of their lives on social media, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is everyone’s personal choice what they choose/choose to leave out of social media.
Now guys, I am far from perfect. Scrolling through social media I often find myself wondering why I don’t have the latest and created collection of designer handbags. Or asking myself ‘why do they get to lay on a white sandy beach all day while I am stuck folding a never ending pile of laundry’.
When I find myself double tapping my way into the black hole of social media jealousy, I force myself to take a step back, take off my rose tainted glasses and to see reality.
Behind every perfectly edited photo, cohesive feed, and curated caption-is just another regular ‘ol human. Just like me.
They too, just like me, are choosing what to share and not share. They too, just like me are sharing their highlight reel.
How do we fix this?
- Be REAL with ourselves. Those squares are fantasy, not reality.
- Work on SELF LOVE and BOSS your feelings around!
What do I mean by boss your feelings around? Just that. You are powerful, and you are in charge. Starting to feel not the best and jealously is creeping up on ya? Time to boss your feelings and thoughts in the positive direction and retrain yourself.
That friend who gets to lay on European white sandy beaches all day while you’re stuck at home doing laundry? Guess what the reality is: she worked her butt off putting in overtime, extra shifts, even working holidays and weekends, saving up and sacrificing for her getaway. Be PROUD of her.
That girl with the rock hard crazy abs, who has way more kids than you? Be PROUD of her for waking up early, losing sleep every freaking day to hit the gym to attain her goal.
REPLACE JEALOUS WITH PRIDE.
- Other people’s success is not your failure in any way shape or form.
- Purge the accounts you follow.
You are in charge of how you feel, and guess what?! You are even in charge of what you see on your social media feed. It is more than ok to unfollow accounts that don’t leave you feeling positive. Personally, I do this every couple of months! Make sure your feed makes you feel good about yourself. Social media isn’t real life, and if I unfollow someone, it is not because I don’t like them or don’t want to be besties in actual real life. It’s because I am restructuring what I visually feed myself each day on social media. Make sure and follow account that uplift, and inspire you!
- Connect with people in real life
Social Media isn’t everything. Sometimes, when I am feeling so annoyed, or envious of another I will add in the ‘real life aspect’ and poof! Those feelings are gone!
You know that friend who always gets into an ‘No I love you more’ battle on FB with her boyfriend and it makes you want to puke because its so dumb, but under the puke you feel a twinge of jealously (like why isn’t my husband and I in a fight over who loves who most?!). Well, call them up. Chat with them, meet them for lunch, grab coffee. I double pinky promise within minutes of seeing them in real life, you will be reminded that they too are just a regular human being like you. POOF jealous be gone.
- Roll your eyes
Sometimes you just need to not take others seriously and do an eye roll/laugh it off combo at an over the top social media post that could spark the feelings of jealousy.
We need to remember that it isn’t fair to compare our real raw lives with someone else’s super photo shopped fantasy version in tiny squares.
Also published on Medium.